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My Last Final

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in which I made something to avoid making anything.

I was so tired.

I threw out the project after 3 weeks of nothing.

It was My Last Final of undergrad.

The sun rose on the day it was due, and I typed in "how to shift your mindset completely" on YouTube. And then turned on the camera.

I was so tired.

(this was My Last Final, 2020)

Original Music by Julia Mitchell
with some graphics designed by Wilson Lai

Created after Zia Anger's My First Film: a performance I had not watched yet in the moments of creating this project. However, My Last Final —submitted to Prof. John Hulsey sometime in May 2020 for our last studio art class of my senior year, a.k.a My Last submitted Final of my undergrad career— is similarly, a meditation on failure.

There are many things about failure:

That failure to create anything at all (much less to create meaning) is supposed to be the most acceptable currency of self-care right now.

That in the midst of a pandemic that interrupted the world and sent us into our screens, we told each other it was O.K. if we weren't able to make these projects, and write, and shoot our quarantine films, and start our quarantine podcasts, and create quarantine covers of every song. And then we shared all of these things, and posted about each other on Instagram, and forgot about failure and how to honor it.

That we still only know this one thing: to create. I didn't want to make anything... so I made this.

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