i dont know how to know what it means

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I’ve been scared to share this because of some crazy hair I have on my head that tells me to be ashamed of putting myself “out” there...but I am fighting it. Here I am.
I entitled this self portrait short film “i don’t know how to know what it means” because I have learned that life’s most beautiful experiences play out in mysteries. Last year I filmed myself processing feelings through movement and creating images that reflected my inner landscape.
It helped me to cope with the feelings to document them, writing and filming.
And I played a lot of music.

This song is the very first song I wrote on my grandmother’s piano, when I was about 12 years old.
I think my grandmother was with me through a lot of this process. And is with me today, braving my fear of failure and judgement but really, really needing to get it out.
So here it is.

The name of the song is “New Moon” after my Gram’s favorite Jeanette MacDonald and Nelson Eddie movie, New Moon circa 1940.

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