VIDEO DESCRIPTION:

Play, download and edit the free video The Greatest Bartender of All Time.

Have a seat and listen up...
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Written & performed by Jon Mishner
Recording engineer, mixed & mastered by Zach Steele
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On Spotify and all other streamers.

LYRICS:

I’m the greatest bartender
The greatest bartender
The greatest bartender, of all time.
I’m the greatest bartender
The greatest bartender,
The greatest bartender, yeah the title is mine.

I’ve spent eleven years behind bars, look at me now,
I’m the best at what I do and people wanna know how.
I am the holy one, the best bartender around,
Yeah I can take this cup of water, turn it into Mezcal,
Add some mint, little basil, little Creme de Cacao,
I call it Smokin Herb... you aint got shit on me, pal.
Anything I make is now your favorite cocktail,
All you other bartenders stick to makin mocktails,
Your drinks are trash and outdated, man, they’re fuckin Hotmail,
They’re poorly made like they’re from H&M, always on sale,
They’re illegally disgusting, you should serve ‘em in jail,
Post bail, then get off my tail, your shit’s not worthy,
And I gotta get through this song cuz I’m kinda in a hurry,
See I’m sittin back in the break room now, I’m on my thirty,
And I been drinkin during my shift so my vision’s kinda blurry,
But I, got some shit I gotta get off my chest,
I heard some motherfuckers sayin that I aint the best,
Did you forget I am the holy one, every drink I make is blessed,
Every single time, every customer’s impressed.
You thought my margarita wouldn’t bring me this success?
Here, have a daiquiri you’re lookin kinda stressed,
I got a few things on my mind need to be addressed,
So have a seat down at my bar, come on be my guest,
Be my guest, I’m a beast, put my service to the test cuz...

CHORUS

I do it every time,
I come up with the best drinks and the best lines,
I pour the best bourbon, scotch, ryes and the best wines,
While you make lemon drops from behind enemy limes,
How many times I gotta tell you I’m a General with these rhymes,
Your drinks suck, bitch, they’re no comparison to mines,
If you wanna have a mix-off I’m free anytime.
I’m Johnnie Walker in his prime,
Shootin Wild Turkeys up in Knob Creek with my nine,
And havin Sex on the Beach by a Tequila Sunrise,
Heard you had to ask Alexa what’s a French 75,
While you were puttin’ napkins in a Martini to make it dry.
You stupid shit you can never be me,
So drop the mixing tins, have a seat, turn on your TV,
Put on the cooking channel, yeah I bet you’ll probably see me,
Teaching Guy Fieri how to make a beer Negroni,
No bro you’re not my homie,
You’re like a barback, you are below me,
Your Dark and Stormy sucks dick, yeah, it can blow me,
Your Tom Collins is depressing and lookin lonely,
Stick to virgin drinks and Shirley Temples only,
Look at you, you inspired a drink, it’s called a Phony,
It’s equal parts shitty vodka, lemon and baloney.
You bartenders all softer than macaroni,
Come and get your customers they’re all up on me cuz...

CHORUS

I’m lookin back at the competition after I cross ‘em,
Yellin Kobe! As I ball ‘em up and I toss ‘em.
They say ya boy is doin big things, you gotta watch him,
Somebody tell Will Smith I am Legend, not him.
I’m workin all night tonight girl, you should stop in,
We’ll take some Teremana shots, yeah, we’ll be Rockin’.
How does he rhyme with all this shit, uh, somebody stop him,
Drinkin Brown Sugar Bourbon Old Fashioneds, word to Jamie Foxx n’
Just a Lil’ Bit of Branson at the Candy Shop n’
This a pub crawl, 18 bars left, I got ‘em,
Mixing Aviation Gin with lime, bitters and some tonic,
Yeah I’d call that drink the Deadpool but get sued by Marvel Comics,
And that shit’ll make me bitter ha ha ha ha how ironic,
It’s like sippin red wine from Snoop Dogg, pass the chronic,
I don’t smoke it but I’ll trade it for that bottle of Ciroc n’,
Maybe get to hang with Diddy, 112 and the Lox n’
Oh shit, I’m almost done, how could I have forgotten,
Sippin Casamigos Blanco in the vault of the Bellag’ n’
Thinkin call it off George you just made a billion dollars,
Ahh I’m almost done, I promise.
The RV is smokin’ again, they are upon us,
It’s Walter White and Jesse back together for Dos Hombres.
Oh shit, it’s Hank Schrader at the door,
Yo hurry up bitch, put the agave in the drawer,
Jesse chill, what we’re doin’s not illegal anymore,
Shit, sorry Mr. White, let’s give Hank a little tour,
Damn, five seasons wasn’t enough, we needed more.
Cheers to the best show from now and evermore.

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