nadi

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A film about a mother moving from her childhood home and learns to redefine what home really is.
Score: Shirley Song
Sound Design/Mix: Ben Huff
Watch other films made by my amazing classmates: 2019 CalArts Character Animation Student Films

Here’s my final CalArts Film along with an essay (you’re welcome). CalArts has been an crazy amazing journey - standing next to my peers who I truly and deeply admire, I never thought I’d be able to consider myself as an artist. It took a lot of time, many break downs, as well as lessons on being less “careful” and on showing my vulnerabilities (I’m still working on it), but I realized I was resisting change from the stereotyped engineer I type-casted myself as. I was resisting to even be open to the idea of being an artist - no, it was more specific…that I was allowed to even be one. 


Last year, a film like this would have paralyzed me to the point of not making it at all. In fact, it did. I literally stopped making the one I’d had originally planned at that time. But in that moment, I also realized how I viewed myself and the fear of judgement from others was what stopped me. The goal changed - it became to fail hard, but to learn from doing it. The more I did that, the easier it became to draw when I *thought* I couldn’t, the easier it became to listen to my curiosities, the easier it became to just effing be. It’s still an ongoing practice to see myself as an artist and feel a part of this community, but I say the mindset I had in making this film, and thus the film itself, is a step in the direction I’d hoped. There’s still animation to fix, drawing to improve on, coloring to redo, but I close this film and chapter because it’s time to move on. I hope for the next film I can move even closer to that direction, cause I have more to say and more to do.


Anyway, here’s to a beautiful journey full of growth and chaos at CalArts. I appreciate you showing me the things I resisted, and to this very moment still resist, and where I could grow if I just allowed myself to. And many congratulations to my classmates for another amazing year of stories and of you.

A

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