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May 2019

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"I Lived" by One Republic

For as long as I can remember, I have had a hard time letting things go. Sometimes this has been my biggest downfall: staying when I should have walked away. Other times this has been my greatest asset: staying when someone needed me to be there. Because of that, I cannot wholeheartedly say that I would change that about myself. However, it is definitely something that I always have to keep in my mind. I have to prepare myself for the guaranteed struggle and the pain that will come when I am forced to let something go; when I have to say goodbye.
The month of May, and this video documenting it, was my way of saying goodbye to high school and, in more general terms, this chapter of my life. The thing about this goodbye is that it is not like other goodbyes. For one of the very few times in my life, I am not struggling to let go. It is not that I won’t miss certain parts of high school like growing up with my friends and living at home. It is that, like the song says, I did it all.
I did not move mountains or live every day like it was my last. Rather, I did my own version of “doing it all”. I went to the dances I wanted to go to, I joined the clubs I wanted to join, I said what I needed to say, and I always tried to show people that I cared. There were many things that I could have done better, but I do not have it in my heart to feel regret or shame about them. I did the best that I could. For me, that was enough.
I move onto the next chapter of my life full of hope. I hope that things go well. I hope that I like college. More than anything, I hope that my friends and family know how much I love them. These past 4 years have been crazy, but filled with love. I would not trade the memories (the ones captured in this video as well as the ones not) for anything. Thank you all for everything. Like the song says: “Hope when you take that jump you don’t feel the fall.”

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