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Fond Memory Vacation - Speechless (Official Audio)

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On June 3th, my laptop broke down and I had a really bad meltdown due to that. One might think that getting all worked up over a piece of metal is silly but, I wasn't affected by the computer itself breaking down. I could care less about the machine. I was more worried about not being able to retrieve my projects from my hard drive, and having all of the hard work that went into them be gone in a flash. The idea itself really brought me down and I cried really badly for 2 hours at the thought that I was finally being motivated to do something with my life, and then it is taken away from me. I felt miserable. Not to mention that my mental health wasn't in the best of places, and June was probably one of the worst months I've had this whole year. My anxiety was surprisingly tame with some peaks here and there, but it was my depressive episodes that completely debilitated me to the point where I didn't leave my bed at all, besides to go to the bathroom.
Luckily, I still had other devices to create art with, and I created this ambient tune on various apps, plugins, and MIDI devices on my iPad. This song was originally called "The Thought Of You Makes Me Cry" in the demo stages and it was conceived when I tried to create a song inspired by the band Wishing, but after more experimentation, I ended up making it a full fledged ambient tune. At first I was debating of adding any type of singing vocals, but at the time I was creating the instrumental, everyone was popping fireworks like crazy (I made this song through the month of June), and I ultimately scrapped the idea.
Instead when you hear throughout the song is a sample I recorded of one of the rainiest days we've had all summer in Chicago. Also, what you hear at the 3 minute mark when the beat drops is myself and my friend Britney (whom you may remember I wrote the song "Pisces" for) reciting an excerpt from the play "Dear Evan Hansen", where the titular character Evan and his mother Heidi find themselves arguing about how their mother-son relationship is going downhill. I was very proud of our performances and I asked if she could send me the video that was recorded of us to reminisce.
During the production stages of the song, I felt like it was missing something, and I decided that it was lack of vocals. Sure, I have done ambient songs before but, I felt that this song could have really benefited from something, like spoken word. (That's why I called the song Speechless, because I was completely at a loss for words from both a mental health standpoint and a creative standpoint). Perhaps something aggressive to fit the mood of the tune. And so, after searching through files I had, I stumbled upon Britney and I's video and I felt it fit perfectly with the tone I was going for with the song. I filled in the missing piece in the latter half of the song.
Without further ado, here is "Speechless".

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